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THE DANBURY REPORTER, VOLUME 11. "Hit REPORTER. -«l dmi PURT.tftfIKD WKBKLY BY • • PEPPER & SONS, r. i to i v- moiMiiKToaa. 1 * I * "Hates of subscription. -* Cfo4 Tear, 'payable in advance, - $2 0 BU. Menu*, - - 100 RATES OF ADVERTISING. Oae Square (ten lines or less) 1 time, $1 00 additional insertion, - 50 Contracts for longer time or mora space can (m wade In proportion to the above rates. • Transient advertisers will be expected to renit according to these rates at the time they send their favors. • • laornl Notices will be charged 50 per cent. , Usher than above ra'es. business Cards will be inserted at Ten Pol- Mars par annum. ■l l —u - - ■ ■ E. M. WILSON, of N. C., 1 WITH i >- R. W. POWERS k CO., W-B-tO LSBALE UJJ.U O,O*IBT 8, and dealers in Paints, Oils, Dyes, Varuishes, *■'' French Window Glass Ac., •Wo. ISOB Main St., Richmond, Va. Proprietor* Aromatic Peruvian Bitten Jf Com pound Syrup Tulu and Wild Cherry. J. W. RANDOLPH k ENGIJBII, JWOKSELLERS, MATIONERS, AND BLANK-BOOK MANUFAUTERERB. 1318 Main rtreet, Richmond. A Ur f e Stock of LA HOOKS alwayt on hand. ATfcTKJ.LETT, A JCDSON WATKINH, fn.iy DRKWBY, STEPHEN B. UUOHKS h, L. EIXETT k CO., importers and jobbers of DRY GOODS AND NOTIONS. Nqc. 10. 12 and 14 Twelfth street (between Main and Cary) «Vly RICHMOSU, VA. Sah'l Whit*, a Jarbos, " O. F. ScHRLLMA*. • WRITE k BPSOHMIN, wholesale dealers in tJRS,STRAW GOODS AND . LADIES' HATS. No 318'tf. Rammote »trt:et, Baltimore, Md '« 9. DAY AI.BEKT JONES. v . DAY &■ JONES, a Manufacturers o( 1 SADDLERY. HARNESS, COLI.ARS, TRI'NKS. #o. If#. 338 W. Baltimore street, Baltimore, Md. aol-ly W. A. lUCKKK, H. C. SMITH S B. BPRAMHB TUCKER, SMITH & CO., Manufacturers and Wholesale Dealers in «£ BOOTS; SHOES; HATS AND CAPS. o'-'y- JNO W. HOLLAND '* wilh T. A. BRYAN k CO., .l&aanfacturers of FRENCH and AMERICAN CANDIBS, iu ev»ry variety, and whole**!' dealers in FROITS NU Tti > CANNED GOODS, CI GARS, cj-c. 339 ao' 341 Baltimore Street, Baltimore, Md. Mr Orders from Merchants solicited. T : .. C W. WJORH, 1 * BTCHIBON. «. W. THORN k CO., - wholesale dealers in •ATS, OftPS. STRAW GOODS, AND ' LADIES' TRIMMED HATS. ISOe Main Street, Bichmond, Va. D. H. 6TKVKNSON, W. HDUEKti, L SI.INOLUFF STEVENSON, ROGERS k CO., wholesale ROOTS AND SHOES, 324 W. Baltimore Street, (near Howard,) Baltimore, Md. WILLIAM DETRIKS, WILLIAM B. DUVRIES, CHRISTIAN DRVRIEB, of «., SOLOMO* KIKMELL. WILLIAM DKVRIKS k CO., 2 « Importers and Jobbers of foreign and Domestic Dry Goods ana , r Notions, 312 West Baltimore Street,(between Howard and JOIN J. HAINCT, Of VA. LSVf 11. SMAIX, of W. tA. HAINES k SMALL, 1 •27 8. Howard Street, Baltimore, Md. Manufacturers and Wholesale Dealers in ; Ww4 Md Willow Ware, CCDAGE, BRUSHES, BROOMS, DEMI JOHNS, PAPER, SIEVES, TWINEB, RTC. B.F.KING , WITH u JOHNSON, SUTTON k CO,, DRY GOODS. Kas. 9*6 and 328 Baltimore street; N. E. cor t • ner Howard, t, BALTIMORE MD. I. W. JOHNSON, B. M. BOTTOM, *. « R. CBABBC, O.J. JOHNSON 801-lj. "4*jriTAWlN fiUBSBLL, Manufacturer and Wholesale Dealer in Boots and Shoew, ** N6s 16 & 18 South Howard street, (New Building,) BALTIMORE, MD. 8. A. Williamson or N. C. novl9-12m L Bi, ■"> B. J. a R. E. BEST, e WITH HENRY 80NNEB0RN & CO., "* WHOLESALE CLOTHIERS. 20 Hanover Street, (between German and Lombard Streets,) . BALTIMORE, MD. U. HOMNKBOBN, B. BLIMUNI - 4ly ■ U. MARTINDALE, with - WM. J. C. DULANY & CO. Stationers' and Booksellers' Ware- MCnOOL BOOKS A'SPEC/ALT 4«toMtr«f all kinds. Wrappiac fap«r, Twines Bonnet Boards, Paper Bliads »na BALTTMORB, MD. DANBURY, N. C., THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 7, 1878. [Original. THE BACHELOB. BY WHO ? Ail old bachelor is a standing disgrace to his sex, and a libel upon human nature.— Saturday Evening Putt. Who lives an easy life of mirth, From the first hour of his birth, Till he returns to mother earth ? The bachelor I Say, who hag plenty, peace and ease, And comes and goes just when lie please, As free as the unfettered breeze ? The bachelor I Who's always cheerful, blithe and gay. And of this life spends every aay In the most pleasant,useful way ? The bachelor I Aye, who's most generous,free and kind, Both in his labors, purse and mind, And to his neighbor's faults most blind? The bachelor I Who has least trouble, toil and care, With none to serve, no one to fear, But moves in freedom's widest sphere? Tre bachelor 1 Ob ! who so free in heart and mind, And to bit lot so well resigacd. That he to change is disinclined ? The bachelor I And in the closing hours of life, Who leaves with joy, no child or wife Behind to toil in grief and strife ? The bachelor I He's no'deman of all his race, And gives to each his proper place, And so I'll swe.ir him no disgrace— The bachelor I THE HUSBAND'S RELATIONS. "It's very strange if a man's relations can't be treated civilly !" said Mr. Mo reau Splinistick, with an injured air. Mr. Splintstick was a large, mild featured uiao, with a shining buld head, spectacled orbs, aud a chaiu so uiany douoled that it somehow reminded you of the tucks iu a baby's dress. Mr. Spliotstick was one of the men whose mission in life it seems is to sit still and be waiied on. Nobody ever expected hiui to da anything for himself, and if they did thev were signally disappointed He was a human lily of the field, who toiled not, neither did be spin ; but Mrs. Spliutsliok was moderncd after an alto gether different pattern. A little slender woman, with soft, ap pealing eyes, pale cheeks, and a figure that had a perpetual droop, as if it were overburued ; a woman who was up early and down late; who thought with a sigh of the Scripture promises of "restand who was as much Mr. Moreuu's bond slave as if be had bought her for so ma ny doubloons in an African slave-market —she was almost frightened at her own boldness in daring to wish that Aunt Su san aud ber family would not come nutil tbe spring cleaning was over "Even tbe Arabs are hospitable," said Mr. Splii tstick. "But, my love," ventured his wife, "the Arabs certainly never cleaned house aud if we are to believe the pictures we see of them, it didn't take a very long time to make up the children's summer clothes. And I really get no time at all, what wilh one thing and auother. Of oourse," with a timid glance at her hus band's lowering brow, "I shall be de lighted to see your Aunt Susan and her ail sons; but don't you thing you had better writo and ask them not to come until June 7" "No, I don't," said Mr. Splintstick, dogmatically. "It is just like you to suggest it, Maria. You are always throw, ing cold water upou my wisheß! If >ou don't want to entertain my relations, you have only to say so, and 1 will engsge rooms at the hotel for them ! Only a man would naturally suppose that bis wife " "Dear Moreau 1" interposed Mrs. Spliutsliok, with a sob in her tbrost, •'pray, don't speak so cruelly. I—" But Mr. Spliutsliok out short ber trem ulous apologies by stalking dignifiedly out of the room. And Miss Barbara Bates, tbe seamstress, bit off the end of her thread vioiously, as he banged tbe door behind bim. "There's a professin' Christian for yon," said she. "Tbe best msu in the world !" sobbed Mrs. Bplintstiok. "Give me tbe second best, then !" said Miss Barby, "My dear, he'll worrit you out of the world yet if he goes oa at this rata." "He is a little trying!" owned Mrs. Splintstick. "A little !"ssid Miss Barby. 'Humph! A good deal I should think." "So much compsny !" sigbed tbe over worked little wife. "If " "Look bere, Maria Splintstick," broke in Miss Barby, stabbing ber needle vig orously into a fat strawberry-shaped em ery-bag, 4, you don't bare enough oom pany. That's the trouble !" "Not enough company!'' cried Mrs Spli'itstick, incredulously. "Not half enough of Mr. Splintstick'# relations !" resolutely averred the seams* ; tress. "Our Jimmy was 'premised to » grocer last year. Jimmy was like alt* j boys—he liked sweets !" "Yes—ol oourse !" said Mrs. Splint i stick, looking rather bewildered. "And so the grocer gave him all the sugar and alaionds and fiji;s and raisins | and slioed oitron he could eat—and, of oourse. Jimmy got sick—siek as a dog !" "Well?" "That's all," said Miss Barbara. Mrs Splintstick sat thinking a minute j or two. "You don't mean—" saidshe. i "I do, though," said Mi*> Barbara, : threading her needle deftly.*" 'The gro cer's plan was a good works— most generally. I'd try it, if I was you." "I must do something," said Mtb. Splintstick, looking around with a hunt ed, frightened air, "or I shall be woru out. Only poor, dear Moreau " "Fiddl?stick of poor dear Moreau," said Miss Barbara. "I'll risk him." i A week afterward, Mtb. Splintstick met her husband at ibe dinuer-tablc ; with a beaming face. "I'm so glad, Moreau," said she.— "Aunt Susan and Iter six dear boys are ito be here to-oigbt. And I've a letter from your cousin Montagu Splintstick " "Eh 7" said the double-chinned gen tleman, helping himself to the lion's share nf porter-house steak. "And what does he say !" "He is to bring bis bride here the day after to-morrow, with your Cousin Rebecca, and Aunt Eiizi liecker. "Ahem ! But I haven't invited 'em," said Mr. Splintstick, somewhat dubi ously. "0, of course they know they are al ways weloome—your relations, dear !" ! said Mrs. Splintstick, beamingly. "So I just wrote a note to Uncle Porter to be here next week, and the Beauveneys are to come just as soon as Aunt Susan va ''cates the two front rooms. It' will be so pleasant. I've engaged Mary Jones to come every day and help—and written to Ferry & Popwell to send fruit and ices, an i potted meats, and all that sort of thing as long as they are here." "Yes—it will be very pleasant," flomewhst unwillingly admitted Mr. Splintstick. "But that will be very ex pensive, won't it 7" "Of course ; but one can't expect to enjoy tbe delights of sooiety without i some drawbacks." "And I don't see when I am to go to | tbe seashore, either," he added. "0, there will be time enough for that. But Sarah can give you your sec i ond cup of tea. I uiust run away and see about getting tbe rooms ready for tbe ' bridal party." Tbe next day the ruthless invaders entered into the Splintstickian domains —aud thenoeforward, all summer long, the cry was, "still they come J" Mr- Splintstick might have fancied himself i at the bead of a hotel table, iostead of presiding at his own modist board, so long was the array of laces that met bis eye three times a day. He stumbled over trunks and carpet-bags in the balls and on tbe stairways, at all hours of tbe day and night; he found himself per ! petually on parade, as it were. "When are they going, Maris 7" he whispered to bis wife, one sultry even ing, with a sort of desperatioo. "Next week, dear; bat the Smiths, and your IJnols Elibu's family, and tbe Reverend Jabex Tarquin are ooming then." "More of 'em 7" crisd Mr. Splint stick, with a little gasp. "Ob, yes," said Mrs. Splintstick, obeerfully. "We shall bave the house full from now until November." "Until No—vember!" "Certainly, Moreau, dear." "And you have asked those people to come and billet themselves on us for all the Fall?" "Some of them I asked, my dear, and the rest invited themselves." "Like their impudence!" said Mr. Splintstiok, grinding bis teeth. "My dear—my dear—remember that they are your relations!" said Mrs. Splintstick, mildly. "I don't oare I" growlid the master of the house, with rising iry "I won't be imposed upon. Look at Perry k Pop. well's bill 7 Look at tbi butcher's so count? Look at the gas bills 7 • Look •» the new Itair mattreM, ruined by Mrs. Solomon Splintstick's baby ; and the lace-curtains torn to ribbons by Aunt Susan'a unruly boys ! Look at me, with not so touch as a sofa to take an undis turbed nap upon, or a scrap of meat cooked to my taste, what with Solomon's notions about Cayenne pepper and Mary Ann'a patent boilers ! Do you happen to know, Mrs. Splitstiek, that I've lost three pounds of flesii in the last fort night 7" •'But my dear Moreau—your rela tions 1" "A man isn't bound to be eaten up alive by his relations, is he 7 I tell you, Mis Splintstick, I'll uot stand it any longer ! No, I'll not I've been imposed upon just as long as I mean to be !" "But. Moreau, what can we do 7" "77/ show you, Mrs. Splintstick," said our hero. And the next morning, at the break fast table, he coolly announced bis de termination to go to the White Moun tains with all the family tbe very next day. "My health needs it," said he, looking relentlessly round upon the evident flut tering of tho Volscian dove cotes of his relations "And my health is tlie pri ma-ry con-sid-e ra-tion 1" Tbe relations scsttered right and left, like moth millers from a well-beaten gar ment, and Mr. Splintstick broke assun der the bonds of bis captivity alter this wise: "This sort of thing is played out," ssid Mr. Splintstick, as he steamed northward with his wife. "I'll entertain no more company. It don't pay to keep free hotel for a B*arm of folks that only want to make a convenience of you." And Mrs. Splintstick tried to look as if the hadu't been of that opinion long ago. "But they arc your relations, Moreau," she said, innocently. "My relations, bo banged !" returned Mr. Splintstick, with ssperity. And Mrs. Splintstick lejoiced in spirit •—•—4 > One Way of Carving a Turkey. Thero is nothing a young unmarried man likes better than to go to dinner ut the house of a married friend and to be asked to oarve the turkey. He never carved a turkey in his life, and with an old maid on one side of him, watching bim closely, and oo the other tide a fair girl for whom he has a tenderness, he feels embarrsssed when he begins. First he pushes the knife down towards one of the tbigb-joints. He can't find the joint, and be plunges the knife around in search of it until he makes mincemeat out of tbe whole quarter of ibe fowl. Then he sharpens his knife snd tackles it again. At last while making a terri fic dig, he hits the joint suddenly, and the leg flies into tbe maiden lady's lsp, while her dress-front is covered with a shower of stuffing. Then he go«a for the other leg, and when tbe young lady tells hiu> be looks warm, the weather seems to him suddenly to beoome 400 degrees wsrmer. This leg be finally pulls loose with his fingers. He lays it oo the edge of the plate, and while he is hacking at tbe wing be gradually pushes the leg over on the tablecloth, and wben be picks it up it slips from bis band into the gravy dish and splashes the gravy around for six square ysrds. Just ss be bss made up bis mind that tbe turkey has no joints to his wings, the host asks him if he thinks the wsr with Turkey will soon be over. Tbe girl next to bim laughs, and he says he will explain bis views upon tbe subjeot after dinner. Then be sops bis brow with his handkerchief, and presses the tnrkey so bard with tbe fork that it slides off the dish and upssts a goblet of wster oo the girl next to bim. Nearly frsntio, be gouges away again at tbe wings gets tbem off in a mutilated ooodition, aud digs into tbe breast. Before he oan cut any off, the boat asks bim why he don't help out tbs turkey. Bewildered be puts both legs on a plate aud bands them to the maiden lady, and then helps, the young girl to a plateful of ctuffiing, and while taking her plate in return knocks over tbe grsvy dish. Then be sits dowo with tbe calmness of despair and fane himself with a nankia, while the servsnt girl clears up and takes the turkey to the other end of the table. He doesn't discuss the Eastern question that day. He goes right home after dinn r, and spends the night trying to deoide whether to eotnrait suicide or take lessons in carving. A Cowhiding by Women. On Monday, says a late issue of a Salt Lake (Utah) paper, one of the voung ladies employed at Mr. Colebrook's mil linery establishment received an eudear ing note from W. A. Hooks, who is well known in this city, inviting ber to meet him yesterday evenirg oear St. Mary's school. The girl, knowing his propensi ties. plotted with four others of her com panious to go and give bim a dose of "black snake." They went, but it was near the American Hotel where they found their man. Four ot the girls, armed each with a good caw-hide-whip> secreted themselves in the alley near by, to witness tbe meeting. He came, and at a convenient time they also came from their hiding place and began a vigorous slashing and belaboring with the whips. He was hit, we understand, once on the head, and once on the legs, when he drew a pretty little white bandied pocket pistol on his feminine tormentors. He didn't use it, however, but turned and fled, and tbe speed at wuich be ran would have shamed an antelopo. He tore down Second Kast and Seoond South, thence west and into tbe office of our morning contemporary, there to tell his straightforward tale. The excited and indignant ladies followed him into the newspaper ofßce and again insisted upon giving bim a thorough oowhiding; but he bad taken refnge behind the oounter, where he quietly submitted to the fear ful tongue lashing which was adminis tered by one of the girls. She read him a list of his misdeeds, and presented a pretty good indictment of Rooks in gen eral. The girls assert that they bad been insulted several times by tbe fellow and they took this occasion to settle an old score against him. Well Becommended. A gentleman once advertised for a boy to assist him in his office, and nearly fifty applied for tbe place. Out of the whole number be in a short time chose one and sent the rest away. "I should like to know," said a friend, "on what ground you selected tbe boy. He had not a single recommendation." "You are mistaken," said tbe gentle man, "be had a great many. He wiped bis feet when he came in, and closed tbe door after him ; showing that be was or derly and tidy. He gave up bis seat in stantly to that lame old man; showing that he was kind and thoughtful. He took off his cap wben he came in. and answered my questions promptly and respectfully; showing that be was polite. He lifted up the book which I had pur posely laid on the floor, and placed it on the table, while all tbe rest stepped over it, or thrust it aside ; sbowiog that he was careful. And be waited quietly for bis turn, instead of pushing tbe others away; showing that be was modest.— When I talked wilh him I noticed thai his clothes were carefully brushed, his hair in nice order, and bistseth as white as milk When be wrote bis name I observed that his fingernails were clean, instead of being tipped with jet, like tbe handsome little fellow in the blue jacket. Don't you call these letters of recom mendation 7 I do; and what I can learn about the boy by using my eyes for ten minutes is worth more tban all tbe fine letters he can bring me." Taming a Shrew. Out in Grow Township, says the An oka (Minn.) Union, there resides a man and wife, their names we shall not dis oloso who bave been married but a few years. In these few yean they have liv ed together there have arisen difference*, and now they don't like eaoh other as well as they ought to. These differences frequently lead to Open hostilities, and, as neither the one or tbe other likes to give up, they quarrel most furiously. One day last week trouble began once more, and recrimination followed recrimination until the husband, seising a pitcher of milk that was standing in close proximi ty, remarked, emphatically and touching, "Lucy, if you do not stop scolding, I shall certainly empty the contents of this piteh ir on you." Lucy paid no heed to tbe threat, when, alas! tbe oonteotsof the pitcher came upon her Of course this made thenow thoroughly irate Lecy boiling. Tbe husband then seised a pail ut water and said : "Lucy, if you don't stop scolding, I shall eertainly throw this water on you." Luoy again heeded not the threat, and reeetved the water in OMseqtMnoe Tins but added insult to NUMBER 35. injury, and Lucy more wratby than ever. Then the husband caught up a pail of soapsuds and cried, "Lucy, if you dou't atop, I shall certainly douse yon with these suds." The soapsuds threat also failed to have any effect, and she was treated with soapsuds. By this time the lady was wet to the skin, and hastily retreated to her sleeping apart ments to change her clothing, all the while scolding to the best of her ability. The husband hastened to the well and drew up iwo pails of water, and, on re turning, informed Lucy that the watar was for her. Cold water had the de sired efflct, and Lucy surrendered, and now we understand tbat all is serene once more ; how long to last, no one knows. Transient Troubles. Most of us have had trouble all of our lives, and eaoh day has brought all the evil that we wished to endure. But if we were asked to recount the sorrow of our live* how many eoald we remem ber 1 How many that are six months i old should we think that are at all worthy to be remembered or mentioned ? i To-days troubles look large, but a week i hence tbey will be forgotten and burricd 1 out of sight. "If you would keep a book, and ev ery day pat down the things that worry , you and see what becomes of them, it I would be a benefit to you. You allow i a thing to annoy you, just SB yju allow i» fly to settle on you and plague you ; i and you loose your temper (or rather get | it; for when men are surcharged with temper they are said to have lost it) and you justify yourself for being thrown off your balance by causes whioh you do not trace out. But if you would see what was that that threw you off our balance before breakfast, and put down in a lit tle book, and follow it out, and ascertain what becomes of it, you would see what a fool you were in the matter." The art of forgetting is a blessed art but the art of overlooking is quite as im portant. And if we should take time to write down the origin, progress, and outcome of a few of our troubles, it would make us ashamed of the fuss we make over them, that wc should be glad to drop such things and bury them at onee in eternal forgetfulness. Life is too short to be worn oat in petty worries, fretting, hatreds, and vex atious. Let us banish all these, and think of whatsoever thiogsarc pure and lovely, and gentle, and of good report. Won after Twenty Years' Wooing. The Dallas (Tex ) Commercial says : A gentleman from Waxahaohic, now vis iting, in our eity, informs us that con siderable exoitement was created in the social circle of his town recently, by the marriage of Mr. Nicholas Siuis, a wealthy farmer of Ellis county, aged seventy, to Mra Dunltp, an esteemed lady of Wax ahacbie, of some sixty summers. In the State of Tennessee they had in the days of childhood lived together; in youth had loved with all the fervor of the heart's first parsion, and when grown, rumor says, plighted their faith, but the pledge was broken, and the lovers sepa rated. The lover married another, whose death he mourned several years ago. The lady twice bowed at the altar, and twice has wept over the grave of a departed husband. After forty years they met in this distant State, and though his form has lost its youthful pride and vigor, and ber once rosy cheek and spark ling eye have somewhat faded, the love of former days is aroused from its long slumber, and at the residence of Dr. Sweat, the bride's son-in law, in the pre sence of a few old friends, the broken pledge is fulfilled. Suoh u remarkable rsnewal of an early attachment is seldom found, and challenges even fiction for an equel. Time, we learn, has dealt kindly with the ooaple, and tbey look as though they may yet eojoy many happy days of wedded bliss. A MOVING MOTTO. —He had stayed until the cluok hands hung together at eleven, and that valuable recorder of time was menacing a strike. She had yawned till her mouth had felt large enough fur a horse collar, and yet the young man evinced no symptoms of n speedy departure. "I've been working on a motto to-day," she finally said, a* she held her eyes open with her fingers; "don't you want to beo it V lie aaid bo did. She brought out the article and pawed it to him for inspection. He held it np to the lipht sod read the oheerfal sentence: "There's no place like home." The young man guessed he'd be going.
The Danbury Reporter (Danbury, N.C.)
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Feb. 7, 1878, edition 1
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